Introducing WhyTry’s “Surrendering the One-up” Workshop

Here at WhyTry, we believe that the key to creating positive change with youth doesn’t lie in interventions alone, but in the relationship you establish with youth. That’s why we’re excited to announce the new “Surrendering the One-up Relationship” Workshop, which provides staff members with several strategies for building positive relationships, and improving even the most dreary or frustrating classroom environments. The half-day workshop includes:

Tools to foster positive paradigm shifts
A strength-based approach to relationship building
Strategies to acknowledge accomplishments and build value and worth
A set of “lifetime rules” to establish in your classroom
Ways to create an environment of safety
Overcoming the fear of failure
Coaching on “giving second chances”
Discussion of WhyTry’s 3 R’s: Relationship, Relevance, and Resiliency

If you schedule a “Surrendering the One-up” before the end of June, you qualify for $1000 off.

Click here for the workshop flyer, or contact us to learn more.

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Ask a trainer: What are your ideas for using state changes in the classroom?

WhyTry Training Consultant Steve Robinette answers:

When a teacher is actively using state changes in the classroom, time moves quickly, everyone has fun, and the students want to come back because they’ve had a great experience. But before we go into how to make state changes successful in your classroom, let’s talk about what they are.

What is a state change?
The whole idea of a state change is to get kids (or adults) engaged early and keep them engaged throughout your lesson. It’s continually switching the sensory focus from visual to auditory to body kinesthetic and back again. This keeps students’ attention and gives them the opportunity to learn more as they tap into all their senses.

Why do we need state changes?
Some studies have shown that elementary-age children have an attention span during lectures of four to six minutes. Our attention span grows as we get older, but even in adulthood, most of us struggle after 12 minutes.

When I ask teachers if they’ve ever lost students’ attention during an important lesson, they always laugh and say, “Yes!” So in WhyTry trainings, I tell them we’re going to model state changes during the training and move on. Halfway through the day, I stop. “OK,” I’ll say, “I want you to think back on the day so far and point out all the state changes I’ve used.” They’ll be surprised that the day’s already half gone, because I try to switch gears every 8 to 10 minutes to keep the group’s attention.

How WhyTry makes state changes easier
When you keep WhyTry’s 3 R’s in mind (Relationship, Relevance, and Resilience), state changes start to come naturally. For example, if I’m trying to develop a relationship with my students, I’m going to tell personal stories, engage them in activities that help me get to know them better, and encourage art and journal prompts that help me better understand who they really are. If I want to show them the relevance of what I’m teaching, I’ll use music that can help them make a personal connection to the lesson and show YouTube videos or movie clips that they can relate to. All of these things are state changes, and when we’re constantly engaging them in this way, it builds resiliency.

A few ideas

1. Use good framing.
Make everything you do exciting. Instead of using the boring frame of, “Children, we have an activity now,” engage students in activities by framing them as challenges, experiments, and competitions.

2. Do the unexpected.
When you start to lose students’ attention, do something completely unexpected to wake them up. For example, when I’m teaching the WhyTry lesson “Desire, Time, and Effort,” I’ll say, “OK, we have a personal challenge. We’re going for the world record and we have a maze we’re going to do.” Then I’ll run across the room throwing the papers everywhere and say, “You have 20 seconds! Go!” This simple state change gets them back on track, re-focuses them, and increases heart rate and oxygen flow.

3. Surrender the One-up Relationship.
Sometimes I’ll tell the kids, “Let’s not talk about ‘stuff.’ We talk about ‘stuff’ all the time. Can I just tell you a story about something that happened to me once? We’ll get back to ‘stuff’ later.” I go sit down with them and start talking, and suddenly we’re all just a group of kids. A lot of WhyTry’s “Surrendering the One-up Relationship” strategies are also great state changes.

4. Have them stand up.
A lot of times when I do an activity, I’ll have the students stand up whether or not the activity requires this. By standing up, they’re moving a bit and getting some oxygen flowing. This makes the time pass quickly and helps them focus.

5. Prepare in advance.
Have an arsenal of state changes prepared beforehand. If the kids are not making connections and you’re starting to lose them, it’s time to pull another one out.

6. Engage early and often.
My final piece of advice for creating a “state-changing classroom” is to engage EARLY, and engage OFTEN. It certainly requires more effort on our part, but as educators, I think we can all agree that the kids are worth it.

Steve Robinette is a WhyTry training consultant who has worked with youth and adults in a number of settings. For more information on state changes, contact us at 866.949.8791, or share your own state-changing ideas with us in the comments below.

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Ask a trainer: How do I motivate a classroom of diverse learners?

WhyTry Training Consultant Chris Brown answers:

My wife Annette and I are the parents of five children, ranging in age from 12 to 25 years old. We have been blessed with very diverse learners, each motivated in very different ways. Their life experiences are varied. One has dropped out of college twice, while another has been accepted into the Air Force Academy. I have one child who most would say needed special education assistance in school, who was able to learn to speak a dying language fluently in six months. One loves school and traditional learning, and another hates school, still gets “A’s,” but would rather do ballet all day.

I would love to tell you that I know the perfect formula to build motivation in our youth, but that would be far from the truth. So I decided to asked experts in the field – my own group of diverse learners. The following is “The Brown Children’s TOP TEN Motivation Builders.” They each drew from their home, school and peer experiences. These motivators can be applied in the classroom while using the WhyTry Program or at home as a parent:

10. Consequences – I’m going to make mistakes. Please give me positive feedback.
9.   Boundaries – I need life rules that will always assist me and are patterns for success.
8.   Plug In – Show me how to connect, to make friends, and to contribute to others.
7.   Second Chances – I can do things a different way even though it may not work.
6.   Challenges – Learning is exciting, fun, and has a purpose.
5.   Listen – You don’t have to talk or solve anything. Just listen.
4.   Safety – My opinion and perspective matter, and I feel I’m enough or loved.
3.   Dreams – Support me in my search for MY passion, purpose or interests.
2.   Relevance – Provide me with diverse opportunities to learn how this applies to me, right now.
1.   Relationship – Understand and appreciate my world and surrender the one-up relationship.

On December 9, 2012, The Division of Child and Family Services called my wife and asked if she would be willing to take some children who had been removed from their home. They lived in a house where their father was not present and the adults present were not working. There was no running water or electricity. The warmth came from a wood burning stove that was also used for cooking. On the 14th, five children ages 4–14 entered our home. The clothes they were wearing were the only ones they possessed, and they carried a Wal-Mart bag of their possessions. I would love to tell you that we did marvelous things for these children, but truly the beneficiaries of the experience were me, my wife and our five children that frequented the house quite often over the next month.

We had the opportunity to put every one of the “Top Ten Motivation Builders” to the test in a very challenging, heart wrenching, and time consuming experience. Because we did everything in our power to apply these principles, I can tell you that with the support of seven people, a caring neighborhood, and two schools, those five children left our home on Jan 8, 2013 knowing that:

They were safe and loved;
Their parents’ choices may affect them, but do not define them;
Their challenging experiences can be converted for good and become an amazing influence in their lives;
School, learning, and reading is fun and exciting;
There are rules and consequences for choices, and it gets to be that way if they want opportunities and freedom;
It is OK to dream;
And anything is possible if you are willing to work for it.

Chris Brown is a WhyTry training consultant, motivational speaker, and former wrestling coach. To learn more about WhyTry’s strategies for motivating youth, contact us.

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Is ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ Pro-Bullying?

Does the classic tale of Rudolph and his red nose promote bullying?

In a recent article, NorwoodPatch writer Matt Perkins posed the question, “Does the lovable children’s holiday classic send the wrong message?” The article reads:

In October, Patch asked readers how they felt about one parent’s view that “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” condoned bullying.

Specifically, blogger DadCamp wrote that the show sends the wrong message to children because of its “continuous teasing and bullying.”

It’s not the first time a parent has spoken out against a classic children’s program with such a claim.

Last December, news spread that author and special ed professor George Giuliani said that “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” was also a program laden with the theme of bullying, considering how much Rudolph was an outsider due to his glowing red nose. Giuliani, as such, wrote a book titled “No More Bullies at the North Pole,” which re-tells the story of Rudolph.

We took a good, hard look at the Rudolph story to decide for ourselves whether it was truly promoting bullying. Just like any bullying situation, we determined that if the bullies and the victim had been taught some key WhyTry principles, the North Pole would have been a much more safe and peaceful place long before Santa stepped in with his proposal.

-Someone should have taught Rudolph about “Tearing Off Labels.”

Rudolph’s biggest label, of course, was his glowing, shiny nose. But what the song isn’t telling us is this: Who is the real Rudolph? What reindeer games does he enjoy most? What kind of adult reindeer does he want to grow up to be? If Rudolph had learned that he could show others the “Real Rudolph” instead of his label, he would have been more confident around his reindeer playmates.

-Someone should have told the other reindeer that they were stuck.

Stuck in a pot, that is, pulling each other down in a cycle of bystander bullying like crabs that won’t let each other climb out of a boiling pot of water. Had Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and all the others recognized the steps for climbing out – and the brighter future that awaited them when they did – they may have made more of an effort to not be pulled down by peer pressure, and extended a helping hand to their red-nosed playmate.

-Santa should have surrendered the one-up relationship a lot sooner.

But we’re glad he finally decided to on Christmas Eve, when he asked his young friend, “Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?” Because, as we preach constantly in the WhyTry Program, surrendering the one-up and building a positive relationship is the number one way to make a difference in a child’s (or a reindeer’s) life.

What do you think? Is “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” a story that promotes bullying? Leave us your thoughts in the comment section below.

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Getting a handle: How one senior learned conflict resolution

Flying off the handle used to be common for a high school senior named David.* Fistfights were his number one problem-solving strategy; damaged relationships were his norm.

WhyTry Fridays and a dedicated staff helped David discover his own self-control.

Ron Ross is the lead teacher and social studies instructor at David’s alternative high school in Richmond, Indiana. He’s worked with David for four years now; the same amount of time he’s been working as a teacher at Richmond High.

Each Friday, Ron joins a team of his fellow teachers in teaching a 45-minute WhyTry lesson to a class of about 60 students. “The Reality Ride is the theme for the whole year,” he said. “We teach that first, then we start hitting all the others from that.” The teachers realized early on that the majority of students at the school were hands-on learners, so generally opt for movement and interactive activities to emphasize the concepts. “We really adapted the program to fit our students’ needs,” he said. “WhyTry is a toolbox, and you have to decide which tools are going to best fit your school.”

David was always an active participant in WhyTry Fridays, Ron said. “I think it’s because he had more to say because of his poor choices… He was always one of our all-stars.” David especially enjoyed the activities, Ron explained, because they gave him the opportunity to “have a handle on stuff.”

David recognized that he had anger management problems, and would often confide in Ron and other teachers about the relationship struggles he had as a result. David had a good relationship with Ron, and would sometimes look at him and say, “I’m flipping out! You gotta do something!” when he started to lose control at school. But Ron recognized that he wouldn’t always be there to help David cool down, and was working hard to give him the necessary skills to handle conflict situations on his own. “As much as I’ll always be there for them, I’m not always going to be there for them, you know?” he said. “I told him he’s got to learn how to do it on his own, whether he likes it or not.”
On one particular WhyTry Friday, Ron and the other teachers taught the Motivation Formula to the students, using activities and discussion questions to reinforce the idea of “staying out of the flood zone.” David returned to school on Monday with a look of achievement on his face. “He came in and told us about this fight he had had with his girlfriend,” explained Ron. “There was something to do with another guy, and normally he would have flown off the handle and had a fist fight. Because of WhyTry, this time he stopped and listened to what she had to say. He practiced good listening and used the conflict resolution skills that we’d talked about.”

“When the flood happened, I didn’t get carried away. I decided to stay in the clean water and not get myself in trouble,” David told Ron. Ron is sure that before WhyTry, David would have lost control under the same circumstances.

“He’s at the end of that road where I’m not going to always be there for him,” said Ron. “It was great to see that he was realizing how to do this by himself.”

If you have similar stories about how WhyTry has benefited your school or organization, contact us or leave a comment below or on our Facebook page.

*Name has been changed.

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Ask a trainer: “What are some of the most common roadblocks teachers face with WhyTry?”

WhyTry Trainer Steve Robinette answers:

At almost every training, people seem to have at least one of three concerns:

1. How do I get everyone else on board?

2. How do I change the students who don’t want to change?

3. I still don’t feel prepared to go back to my school and implement this perfectly. What should I do?

In this article, I’ll be addressing these three roadblocks and hopefully helping you see your own personal roadblocks from a new perspective.

1. How do I get everyone else on board?

Not getting buy-in from teachers, administrators, or other staff members is one of the biggest roadblocks out there. People come to the trainings and say, “I feel like I’m the only one in my school that is really excited about this.” Often there’s a rift between teachers, counselors, and administration, or an administrator will task someone with the job of going to the training and implementing the program but doesn’t get involved in any other way.

It can be difficult to get a program up and running when you don’t feel support from colleagues. Program implementation is always more effective when there’s support and, more importantly, involvement from the top down, and in an ideal world there always would be. But when making change happen, you can only put your energy and focus on one person: you. Don’t worry about who else is jumping on board. Focus on making a change where you stand right now. You can control that.

Bigger overall implementation can feel daunting at times, especially without the support and involvement you’re hoping for, but here’s what you do: Find a child and create a positive moment. Then find another child and create another positive moment. That’s something you can do every day without any outside help. And before you know it, you’ll have a collective set of positive moments that combine to create positive momentum. Others will see what you’re doing and want to join you. That’s the essence of change: Focusing on controlling yourself, then watching as your sphere of influence starts to expand.

A quick note to administrators here: When you’re actively supporting and engaged, you’re an asset to change in your school. When you are limited in your involvement, you’re a liability. Don’t limit yourself and blame your staff. Get involved!

2. How do I change the students who refuse to change?

Again, we can’t control when the student changes or even if they will change for the positive. The reality is, some kids will never change. Our reality is, we don’t know whom or when, so we don’t give up on any kids. We never know what student will hear something we say on a particular day and have an “a-ha” moment in their life that sparks a change. So we stay positive. We stay focused. We stay engaged with every child every day, so when that moment happens, we’re prepared.

It’s easy to get frustrated about our inability to control the decisions and actions of our students. The main change that needs to take place is with yourself. Let the curriculum become part of who you are. When that happens, your kids will respond in miraculous ways. They’ll see the change in you. They’ll feel your caring and understanding and intent to help them rather than change or fix them.

This roadblock and the previous one both come down to changing your mindset. When I explain this to people, I see a big sigh of relief and this expression that says, “Oh, so I don’t have to change the world.” Because you can’t. But you can change you.

3. I still don’t feel prepared to go back to my school and implement this perfectly. What should I do?

After attending a training, many teachers worry that they won’t be able implement the program exactly like their trainer showed them. The truth is, we trainers have had years of practice. There’s no way you can be totally prepared to teach perfectly after two days of training. The only way to get better is to put your fears aside, roll up your sleeves, and get in the game. You’ll get better as you go. But as long as your intent is always to help the kids, they won’t recognize your improved delivery. They’ll be focused instead on your constant intent to “surrender the one-up relationship” with them. That’s the first and best thing you can do when you’re getting started.

Don’t be afraid to stumble a few times. In the “Jumping Hurdles” lesson, we teach students to learn from their mistakes, and we should do the same. Pick yourself up, shake off the dust, and keep learning. We don’t get better by sitting in the sidelines waiting to become perfect.

Again, I challenge you today to create a positive moment in a child’s life. Then I challenge you to do it again. I promise this will create positive momentum, spreading your influence from yourself to the entire community.

I realize that some of the roadblocks are technical. Don’t be afraid to call the WhyTry Office for help. Other roadblocks have to do with teaching. Don’t be afraid to call your trainer. We’re here as your resource for life. Let us be on this journey with you.

Steve Robinette is a WhyTry trainer and professional consultant. For help with your own WhyTry roadblocks, contact us at 866.949.8791.

Ask a trainer: “How do I make WhyTry lessons more engaging for my students?”

WhyTry Head Trainer Bruce Bushnell answers:

There are two magic words we use a lot around here: BUY-IN and FRAMING. When you’re creating buy-in with your students and properly framing each lesson, you’ll rarely, if ever, have a disengaged youth in your classroom.

Easier said than done, right? Not necessarily. All you need are a few tricks. The following strategies come from teachers and mental health professionals nationwide, as well as from my own experience as a school counselor.

HOW TO CREATE BUY-IN

1. Surrender the one-up relationship.

We hammer this in at trainings, conferences, and in our teacher’s manuals. That’s because it’s one of the most important components of the entire program! When you create a sincere, caring relationship with an individual or group, they will know you believe in them and will be there for them despite their weaknesses and mistakes. Students are more likely to listen to you and respect what you have to say when you’ve surrendered the one-up.

2. Use all of WhyTry.

Sometimes teachers are concerned that students aren’t “into” the WhyTry lessons as much as they should be. That’s when I ask, “Are you using the music?” “Are the students responding to prompts in their journals?” “Are you doing the activities?” “Are you telling the stories?” “Are you using relevant multimedia?” The answer to all of these questions is usually “No.” If you’re not pulling in strategies that engage every learning type in your WhyTry lessons, you’re not really achieving the mission of the WhyTry Program. When you just commit to using all of WhyTry, your students won’t want to miss a single lesson!

3. Have a “wow” day.

On the first day of class, avoid the usual approach of hammering your students on the rules and the schedule. Instead, give them a first impression of your classroom that will make them want to return every day for the entire semester. Start out with an engaging warm-up activity. Find fun ways to allow them to express their feelings.

When I taught the WhyTry class at a local high school, my students were all youth who were attending classes only 30 percent of the time. The attendance in our class, however, was between 85 and 90 percent. When the principal asked me why our attendance was so high, I told him, “They want to be here. They don’t want to miss what’s going on.” When you break away from the “same old routine” they tend to see in their other classes, your students will have a reason to come to class and a reason to change.

HOW TO FRAME YOUR LESSON

The way that you introduce a concept or principle can often make or break the way it is received.

Think about the purpose of a picture frame. A good frame will draw your eye to the art, right? Now take a look at the frame around this picture.

Does it focus you in on the subject? Or does it detract from the beauty of the painting? What about this one?

Whew! That’s more like it! Framing a lesson should be the same way. The words you use as a teacher can make all the difference in the world.

The following are some important elements of a good frame.

1. A good frame answers, “What is it? Why is it important? What does it have to do with me?”

Make sure to show that there is something in this lesson for them. Give them a reason to listen to you.

2. A good frame creates meaning.

Provide a common frame of reference. The WhyTry visual metaphors, for example, allow students to relate the principles they are learning back to a picture, say, of a roller coaster. They’ll remember the lesson because you gave it meaning.

3. A good frame provides an emotional hook.

Help your student feel something. Studies have shown that when students are engaged on an emotional level, they retain more and pay closer attention. The emotion you create doesn’t always have to be sentimental: Excitement and humor are some other highly effective emotions. When you create an emotional hook, you build a desire in students to learn more.

Sometimes, as educators, we lack excitement about a subject and it comes across in our teaching. A few years ago, I was supervising college students who were teaching WhyTry at local middle schools. I went to supervise two different groups who were teaching the same lesson in two different schools in the same day. In the first school, the students were pumped! “It’s WhyTry time! We can’t wait!” they exclaimed when the equally excited student mentors arrived. You could literally feel the energy in the room. The lesson was amazing, and group participation was high. In the second school, the teacher who introduced the student mentors said, “Well, they say we have to do this activity. Let’s get to it and get it over with.” No one was excited. The lesson was not at all what it could have been. I truly believe the contrast between those two lessons had everything to do with framing.

For example, take a look at the contrast between these two frames:

“This is all we get for resources. It’s just our tough luck.”
“Today we get to tap into our creative skills! This is our objective, and these are our resources. Any ideas on how to solve this dilemma?”

See the difference? Help your students see challenges and “less exciting” lessons as opportunities, rather than roadblocks.

These strategies will make all the difference in the world as you try to engage the youth you work with. Create BUY-IN by surrender the one-up, using all of WhyTry, and having a “wow” day. FRAME your lesson by showing youth why it’s important, giving it meaning, and providing an emotional hook. The result? A group of engaged youth who are so excited to be sitting in your classroom every day.

Bruce Bushnell is a WhyTry trainer, former school counselor, and creator of several of the WhyTry learning activities.

For more great ideas on creating buy-in from day 1, click here. For several “surrendering the one-up” strategies, click here.

You can also give us a call at 866.949.8791.

RESILIENCY SOURCE: Can resiliency really be taught?

I once had a conversation with an expert on resiliency who had just heard me speak. We were discussing what the most important thing to teach someone who feels like giving up would be. I argued that it would be to increase their ability to be resilient. This expert was taken aback and said, “Resiliency would be a very difficult thing to teach. If you had a resiliency pill, you’d be worth a lot of money. Resiliency is something you have to be born with. People are either resilient or they’re not.” In other words, she was adamantly telling me that resiliency can’t be taught.

I didn’t disagree with her completely. Part of what she said is true. Just as with other capabilities and talents, some people are born with more innate ability to be resilient than others. However, I am convinced that there is a way to help anyone, no matter their natural abilities, to become more resilient. Based on years of experience, I believe it is a trait that can be developed in anyone’s life. Like any other skill, the more you focus on it, the more you improve.

Let me try to illustrate my point. Bruce is a former high school guidance counselor and close colleague of mine who has an exceptional understanding of the principles embodied in the four sources of resiliency. He shared the following story with me, which demonstrates once again that resiliency isn’t a matter of genetics or mysticism. It’s a skill that can be taught.

Emily’s transcript showed that she had once been an involved Honor Roll student. But something went terribly wrong after Emily transferred to Bruce’s high school from out of state. She hadn’t passed a class in two semesters, posting 15 F’s out of 16 grades on her transcript. Emily’s mother called Bruce one day and pleaded with him to help her daughter. “She’s so depressed. She’s shut down,” she told him. “She comes home from school and just goes to her room and cries.” She told Bruce that Emily had been in therapy for the last six months, but nothing seemed to be working. She was desperate to help her daughter, and told Bruce she would be so grateful for anything he could do for her. Bruce agreed to speak with Emily.

Bruce remembers vividly his first meeting with this struggling 9^th grader. “She had a look on her face of total depression,” he recalls. “She had given up. She had quit. There was no real life in her eyes. Even her voice sounded depressed.

During the first two sessions with Emily, Bruce worked hard to build a positive relationship with her and let her know he cared. Despite his efforts, Emily was still very withdrawn, refusing to open up about even small things.

That’s when Bruce decided to introduce Emily to the sources and skills of resiliency. During their third meeting, Bruce explained that Emily’s personal experiences and struggles could turn into her greatest strengths. He shared with her several steps on how her problems could actually help her. That’s when Emily began to open up. When Bruce compared shutting down to being stuck in a “flood zone,” Emily confessed, “I’m drowning.”

Bruce then asked Emily whom she cared about that cared about her. “My mom and my sister,” she said, and tears began to silently stream down her face. Bruce, realizing there was more to the story, asked if there was anybody else. After a pause, Emily replied, “Yeah. My Dad.”

“Tell me about your dad,” said Bruce. Emily quietly responded, “He’s in heaven.” She told Bruce that her father had died of pancreatic cancer a year before. With Emily’s permission, Bruce decided to speak on this father’s behalf to his suffering daughter. “I know I’m not your dad,” said Bruce. “I know he’s not here. But if he were, I think this is what he would tell you: ‘I’m OK. I miss you. I love you. But I’m OK.’” Emily then began to sob as Bruce continued to speak for her deceased father: “What would make me really happy is to see you happy: being the old Emily and going for your goals and dreams.”

After this third, emotional meeting, Bruce received a call from Emily’s mother. “What did you say to Emily?” she asked. Bruce was immediately worried that there was a problem. But then she continued. “Her whole outlook and attitude has changed. She is a different girl now!” Bruce explained to her that he had taught her daughter how to use her challenges as her best friend.

Helping Emily bounce back was not an overnight process. Bruce continued to counsel her, but her outlook on her problems changed the day she was taught resiliency. She became quick to smile and got involved in a school service organization.

Emily never received another failing grade. She got on the Honor Roll. She has a plan to be a nurse and at the time of this writing, she was enrolled in a CNA class and had completed a medical internship. And, she says she is happy. Does this mean she doesn’t have terrifically difficult days? Or that what Bruce taught her made all her problems go away? Of course not. But now Emily is equipped to handle those problems much better. Because resiliency can be taught, there is hope no matter your circumstances. This is why I truly believe hope is never dead despite any conditions. Just ask anyone who has overcome seemingly insurmountable odds. Being resilient is like pouring gas on the fire of hope.

We invite you to follow the progress of Christian’s book, “Resilience: The Second Greatest Principle in the World” each month in a brand new blog category: “Resiliency Source.”

Guest blog: How “surrendering the one-up” can go a long way

Guest blogger John Larrison recently listened to a keynote address by WhyTry Founder Christian Moore. The following is John’s letter to Christian, responding to his speech and sharing his own personal story. Thanks John!

Christian,

I really enjoyed hearing you speak. When I compare your life story and my own, we are very similar in a lot of ways. I was raised in a family where my mom stayed by us and our dad was an alcoholic. It was just the way life was.

The year after I got out of high school, I was in a 70-mph head-on wreck with people who were way past legally drunk. Four people were killed and one was the girl I was dating. I couldn’t walk correctly for three years. During that time, I decided there was no way I’d be like them and drown my sorrows in alcohol, but I got deep into using and selling drugs. I can’t even count how many times I nearly got caught or saw my friends go to prison, get shot, or die. But somehow I made it through. I always tell myself that there was a reason, and it was the kids I work with. I made it through to help them make it through!

Thank you for addressing the importance of ASKING students to do something rather than TELLING them to do it. Many teachers teach how they were taught and not how they were taught to teach. Their behavior management practices in the classroom are those they have experienced as students and have come to accept as their own. I contend that these are parental and law enforcement tactics, and should not be employed in the classroom. I was one of these kids, and I am one of these adults. Ask me to do something, and I may comply. Tell me to do something, and I’ll likely refuse!

For the most part, students come to school every day willing to learn. If a student thinks you believe in them, they’ll pay attention and attend to task. When a teacher shares the power of his/her classroom, the student will work. Respect has to be earned, and this is not done through intimidation and punishment. Everyone in the classroom wins when a teacher will simply tell students, “I am going to do my best to NOT treat you like other adults treat you.” The other side of this is, “I expect you to NOT treat me like you may treat other adults.” Instead of saying something like, “Antonio, you NEED to get to work,” or “Heather, you NEED to sit down,” say, “Antonio, can you go ahead and start for me?” or, “Heather, can you come over and sit down?” When they do, thank them for what they did. “Hey, thanks, Antonio,” “I appreciate it, Heather,” “Thanks for helping me out today.”

As you use this approach, the classroom will become like a community with everyone working together. This isn’t a one-time thing. You have to live that life. Tell students, “If you ever hear me not treating you like this, please tell me, because I don’t want to be like that.” If you find yourself misspeaking, stop immediately and say, “I’m sorry, let me give that another try.” Students respect respect. They are mirrors of their environment. If you don’t like what you see, rather than looking at the student and finding something wrong, look at yourself and see what you can do or change in order to bring about a change in the student. Pay attention to that student’s learning style and teach that way.

Some administrators seem to believe that if they expel or discipline a student, that the student will “learn a lesson” from their punishment. They expect the student to start “fresh” with a new attitude. It’s the adults who hold grudges and who can’t let things go. They seem to stand ready to say, “Ah, see, they’re at it again.”

The very first premise of the Mandt System (a system for managing individuals who may be out of control) is that you cannot manage someone else’s behavior until your own is under control first. I wonder how many of us would like to be publicly called out and disciplined, and then be asked to return to work the next day and start fresh with a new attitude?

Thank you, Christian.

John

John is a counselor and teacher in Topeka, Kansas. To learn more about the principle of “surrendering the one-up,” visit our website.

A life-changing final project

Audrey Cordova looked around at her 8^th grade WhyTry class, notebook and pen at the ready. For the first time in her teaching career, she was relinquishing control of her classroom and letting the students take the reins completely. So far, it wasn’t going well.

The students’ assignment was to design a mural representing the principles of WhyTry as their final project. Some students rigorously huddled at the whiteboard, making lists and writing plans, while others arm wrestled, sat quietly at their desks, stood on tables, or passed around mints.

Defense mechanisms were being used as students realized their ideas weren’t being acknowledged. If they were excluded, they found other activities to distract them and show that they didn’t care. “The class has now split into three groups,” wrote Audrey in her notebook. “One group is having off-topic conversation, and one group is just sitting. I think the group that is planning thinks they are the only ones on task, but in reality, it is their exclusiveness that has left the others feeling unheard. So the others resort to their defense mechanisms of acting like they don’t care or just being off task, or sitting silently to protect oneself.” Frustration and anger became increasingly evident as the day wore on.

Watching this process unfold was a huge learning experience for Audrey, who generally runs a structured classroom. “I’m questioning my own teaching strategies this year and have to wonder if we had had several chances to try this where students led the classroom, would they have learned to be more productive now?” wrote Audrey. “I’ve taught enough years to know the answer to that is of course. They need opportunities to practice and apply what we learn in WhyTry in ‘real-life activities.’”

Finally, the students came to Audrey to announce that they had finalized their idea. But when Audrey inquired further, it was evident that not everyone had contributed. She shared the observations she’d made in her notebook, and a profound silence fell over her students. “Every person in the room knows they have to take accountability for why this day, in the end, was a failure when it came to one group coming together to accomplish this challenge. No one was perfect today,” Audrey later wrote. She challenged her students to go home and think about how they could truly apply the principles and tools of WhyTry to come together and create their project. They agreed, vowing to do better tomorrow.

At the end of the day, Audrey wrote in her notebook, “Although today’s objective of getting a group plan down on paper that everyone was involved with, failed, I feel the students and I learned a lot from today, and I will consider this one of the best teaching days in my career… even if I stumbled into it by accident.”

Despite her usual insistence on deadlines and order, Audrey let the students run the show again the next day, and was impressed this time. She wrote, “Students are way different today, and in a good way… All of them seemed very aware of their behavior, and this introspective way of thinking is allowing for progress. 35 minutes into class, everyone agrees on a plan and wants to get to work.”

There were, however, still roadblocks. Five days into the project, the students decided they weren’t happy with it and voted to start over. Audrey wrote, “My mind is racing as to ‘now they will never finish.’ However, how can I stop them when all they want is to create something of the highest standards? … They clearly don’t want to let me or each other down. They are 8^th graders who typically only care about just getting the assignment done as quickly as possible, and today that is not the case.” The students spent the rest of Day 5 formulating a new plan.

Finally, in the last few minutes of class on Day 10, the class proudly finished the mural. They wanted to march it outside and show it off immediately. “I wonder what happened to my 8^th graders who shy away from looking smart and wanting others to see how hard they worked. It excites me to see the level of pride they take in their mural,” wrote Audrey.

Audrey told the class she was proud of the ways they had used the tools of WhyTry during the planning and executing of the mural. Afterward, they held a well-deserved celebration party. “Interestingly,” wrote Audrey, “They tell me that had they not fallen on the first day of working together, they didn’t think they would have accomplished the challenge.”

Audrey’s class is living proof of one of the fundamental messages of WhyTry: that the process of tackling a challenge can be just as valuable as the end result.

The description of the mural, as written by the students, is below:

“Our mural has two sides. One side represents what life is like when you use Why Try and one side represents what it is like when you don’t use Why Try. (They call them the good and the bad side.) It begins with the words “Why Try” on each side. On the good side, the words are clear and easy to read and on the bad side, the words are being torn up. The bridge is central to the theme. The first mural did not have a bridge. We added the bridge to show that a person can travel to either side depending on whether they use the tools of Why Try or not. The bridge is also slanted upward to represent that getting to the good side is an uphill climb, as we learned in the Reality Ride. It is much easier to slide down to the bad side. On the good side, there are paths that can lead you somewhere. On the bad side, people are just left roaming aimlessly with no real direction. This is symbolic again of what Why Try does for you. The mural itself is very representative of the lifting the weight in that it is split and one side is better for you than the other. On the good side, the playground offers opportunities to play and have fun. The opposite is true on the bad side. The people on the good side have made good choices to keep their river clean and therefore have the opportunity to fish. You cannot do this on the bad side. The sky is clear and the view is clear on the good side whereas on the bad side, it is cloudy and dark. In general, the overall climate is just better on the good side. The view is clearer because you have climbed the wall. You have freedom, opportunity, and self-respect.”